"Something With Wings Overnight ExtraLong "

(Ladies Only)

I've always had a warped sense of humor and even in times of extreme stress, I will pull a good one out of the hat!

I hadn't been to see my favorite gynecologist in a couple of years and I had this nagging thought in the back of my head that I should go see him. Great doctor Vito, he delivered my babies and always complimented your tushie when you went to see him. Wonderful man, every woman beautiful in his eyes.

Well, I had a "cell change" in my cervix and he ordered a biopsy, I had to wait until I finished my current "cycle of the moon" (catering to the sensibilities of the menfolk). So, when I finished my "cycle" I went for the biopsy, a fun little adventure, a waiting room full of serious women that were thinking the same thing I was. Malignant or benign?

A little nerve wracking but necessary. Just remove your bottoms, feet in the stirrups, scoot your bum down a little and scrape scrape here, a scrape scrape there and we're done. The results came back: Level 4. I was destined for surgery! Now, I'm a positive thinker and just the thought that I could have a complete hysterectomy was thrilling! Never mind that this was serious business but...

I started my period in the summer before my 10th birthday. Oh Boy! Back then, those pads were huge on my little 9 year old body! I remember when I had on my very first pad, my sister was laughing and pointing at me as I waddled around. My family used to spend May to August at Pigeon Lake and the boys used to try to throw me in the lake, as only boys do and I would kick and scream NO, I"LL SINK (the Kotex will drag me to the bottom of the lake and I'll drown)! OMG! I was only in grade 4 for pete's sake AND I had breasts! (A whole other story).

Not to mention that you had to wear those awful belts and I was so young and they were soooo long, the little metal thing that held the ends of the pads in place used to get stuck in my butt crack! Yes ladies, if you didn't wear the belt, you had to use safety pins to hold the pads on and if you didn't have pads, your mother would wrap soft cotton batten with rags and you pinned them to your panties. Oh God, I'm old!

So, I had a consultation with Vito and the date was set. Keep in mind, I'd just had my period, which means I was wearing "something with wings overnight extra long" for about 7 or 8 days, then I went to my biopsy and I had to wear "something with wings overnight extra long" for another 5 - 7 days, and it seemed like an eternity.

I was surrounded by supportive friends and I confided in them that I was tired of wearing "something with wings overnight extra long" for the last two weeks.

"If I don't stop wearing "something with wings overnight extra long" - I am going to go bald"!!!

They all looked at me with blank faces, ready to burst out laughing and I added:

"Do you think I should put the sticky side down?"

Well, to make a long story short, I'm here, health, happy ;) and only bald by choice (or not! hee hee) and I no longer support the "something with wings overnight extra long" paper company.

Nah Nah Nah Boo Boo!